nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
