Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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