At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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