I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize