so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
