just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
