He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
