There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
