This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize