also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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