At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
