I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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