Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
