We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
