I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize