i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
