Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
