Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
