The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
