GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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