Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
