There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
