so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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