weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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