How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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