how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it's like iHOP with fire
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
