i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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