I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
