not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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