Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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