1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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