She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
