i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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