Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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