He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
