Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
