All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
