my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
