so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ttyl tear gas
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
