when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
