i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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