I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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