i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
