I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
