he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
