And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
