at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
