I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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