I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
