I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
