hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have tasted many bathrooms
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