Plan B is the new Plan A
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
