he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
