Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Apparently you make a good broom.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
