fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
