I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
