We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
