i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
