ugly people sure do ruin things
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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