Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
