Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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