Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
