we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
