Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Randomize
