turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
