Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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