If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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