all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
