Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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