Got a toothbrush?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just made the most āsingle lifeā Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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