I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
