People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
