That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
