I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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