that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
