the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize