woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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